Tuesday, August 28, 2007

MLS: Lame Ducks, Bubble Boys & The Fab Five

While adopting a wide stance in an airport bathroom stall, perusing the latest ground-breaking news, we thought, "Who's gonna make the Major League Soccer Postseason Tourney?" So, without Freddy Adu, here's the Red Bull Rising Race for the MLS Cup Report. All information below is based on official data from the MLSnet.com Standings page, featuring this important advisory, in fancy red font: The seeding procedure described above is correct. Alrighty then, let's get to it.

THE FAB FIVE -- The Fab Five are clubs who, barring a complete collapse, will make the playoffs and are now concentrating on finishing first in their respective conferences. The New England Revolution (42 points, 23 games played) and DC United (39 points, 21 GP) are firmly in control of the top two slots in the Eastern Conference, while the Houston Dynamo (38, 23), Chivas USA (36, 20) and FC Dallas (36, 21) are battling it out for the top two seeds in the West. With three games in-hand on Houston, and with seven of their 10 remaining matches at the Home Depot Center, where they haven't lost in eight league matches, streaking Chivas figures to hold off FC Dallas for the second spot, if not overtake the Dynamo at No. 1. Either way, the loser of the Houston-Chivas-Dallas showdown will still secure one of the four remaining at-large slots.

THE BUBBLE BOYS -- The Bubble Boys are clubs with a chance to qualify for the playoffs, despite little hope of earning one of the top two seeds in their respective conferences. The Red Bull (33 points, 22 games played), the Kansas City Wizards (32, 22), the Columbus Crew (27, 22) and the Blanco-fueled Chicago Fire (26, 21) are still alive in the East, with the Colorado Rapids (27, 22) the lone squad still harboring postseason dreams in the West. Maddening inconsistency permeates each of these teams, most likely resulting in a mad, mad, mad scramble for playoff qualification well into October. The Joy of Six: Six crucial head-to-head matches are Fire vs. Red Bull (Sept. 1 and Sept. 15), Rapids at Crew (Sept. 2), Fire at Crew (Sept. 8), Crew at Wizards (Sept. 15) and Wizards at Red Bull (Oct. 13).

THE LAME DUCKS -- The Lame Ducks are clubs with no realistic shot at the playoffs, and if Red Bull Rising had our way, would be facing relegation to the USL. The two newbies, Toronto FC (20 points, 22 games played) and Real Salt Lake (12, 19) were expected down in the basement, but the Alexi Lalas Refugees (14, 18), brought to you by AEG, are unanticipated guests. Look for Jurgen Klinsmann, David Beckham and Landon Donovan to resume their rightful place in the Penthouse Suite in 2008.


tornados28 said...

Especially if the Galaxy fail to make the playoffs, expect AEG and hopefully Klinsman to beef up the team with some stronger players to help Donovan and Beckham.

The Galaxy will make the playoffs in 2008.

Riles said...

Hard to believe AEG and Adidas et al would shell out all that dough for Beckham and then allow the Galaxy to splip into mediocrity. It'd be a surprise if Galaxy didn't make big changes and challege for the playoffs in '08.

Riles said...

er...slip into mediocrity.