Anelka, Torres, Lampard and Dempsey?

Don't look now, but American Clint Dempsey may be the hottest striker on the planet. Fresh off a nice goal against Best Team in the World Ever Brazil and recognition as Fulham's Player of the Month, Dempsey knocked in another goal for the Cottagers, helping the London club to a 1-1 draw with Wigan. Dempsey trails only The Big Sulk, Nicolas Anelka, in the English Premier League Goal Scoring Race (wait, it'll eventually update) and is currently tied with Spanish stud Fernando Torres and Chelski's Fat Frank Lampard with three goals. UPDATE: Hat Tip to Football is for the Madman for digging up the Dempsey goal video right quick. Madman also has the hot-off-the-presses video of DaMarcus Beasley's neat finish for Rangers today.

Will Klinsmann Clean Up Lalas Mess in LA?

The Frank Yallop AEG Gold Watch Ceremony is about to take center stage as the latest act in the David Beckham Traveling Circus of Major League Soccer. The intrepid Ives Galarcep follows the bouncing ball stateside, while TimesOnline UK provides the Continental angle, the Cirque du Soleil if you will, regarding the ascension of Jurgen Klinsmann as new Ringmaster for the Los Angeles Galaxy.

By all accounts, Yallop is a nice guy thrust into an almost impossible situation as Designated Lalas Fall Guy (see Bradley, Bob). But his comments after the disastrous three-game period which began
so audaciously with three Beckham-inspired goals before 65,000 fans at the Meadowlands and ended so ignobly with a 3-nil debacle at
The Dick, speak volumes:

From Times Online UK:

"It’s not been easy because of the spotlight thrust on us,” [said] Yallop. "You try to imagine the hysteria surrounding his [Beckham's] arrival but when he’s here it’s so different. It’s not been easy. It’s been kind of testing, to be honest."

And following Beckham's 90-minutes vs. Chivas, one day after England-Germany at Wembley:

"I used him tonight and I shouldn’t have done that," Yallop said after the defeat.

There you have it. Yallop is resigned to his fate. It was Lalas who traded speedy, dynamic youngster Robbie Findlay for slow-footed, defensive graybeard Chris Klein. It was Lalas who chose Carlos Pavon, Alan Gordon and Edson Buddle as the Galaxy strikeforce. Yet Yallop will be shown the door, with Lalas tightly clutching the keys.

Klinsmann, however, is no Frank Yallop. The Becks "hysteria" lamented by Yallop pales in comparison to the fiery cauldron of heat braved by Klinsi during World Cup 2006, where the son of a baker stood up to Der Kaiser and the German Press, and selected and guided a squad which overachieved beyond any reasonable expectations.

A resident of Orange County, Klinsmann may be just the bright ray of sunshine needed in L.A., but the tough-talking Lalas may want to consult with Sunil Gulati regarding Klinsi. Should the Golden Bomber accept the immense challenge of cleaning up the Lalas Mess in Los Angeles, he may prefer to go it alone.

Jozy and the Eurocrats: Big Clubs and Fat Contracts

Freddy Adu's inevitable foray into European futbol has pushed Red Bull striker Jozy Altidore to the top of the He's Leaving For Europe List. Soccer by Ives, as usual, gets the straight dope directly from the 17-year-old out of Livingston, New Jersey.

"There was a time when I said to myself that I'm not going to go there [Europe] until I'm 21, when I'm more mature and able to take care of myself and live a life like that. But then again I thought about the soccer aspect. The quicker you can get there the better. Even if it starts off tough you can always adjust to it, especially if it's a team that needs you. It's all about timing."

Regarding timing, Altidore becomes legal when the clock strikes midnight on Nov. 6, just as Major League Soccer shuts down and European clubs start scouring the globe for elusive goal-scoring saviors who can answer their prayers via the winter transfer window. Merry Christmas, Ajax fans, here's Jozy! P.S. Check out Paul Gardner's complete review of the Under-18 European Eligibility Kabuki Dance (hat tip to du Nord).

Of course, none of this comes as a surprise to the tens of Red Bull Rising readers, who remember this from way back on April 23, 2007.

"Jozy Altidore's combination of strength and skill is something to behold ... The kid's only 17, and still learning, but when he figures out how to battle ... rough treatment without resorting to histrionics ... he will be one of the most feared strikers in the league. Sadly, here's a prediction: Catch him now while you can, folks. This will be Jozy's last year with the Red Bull and MLS. A player with this much upside and youth is heading abroad for Big Money."

Beasley Battles Fat Bastard, Balkan Bigots

American winger DaMarcus Beasley had an eventful first week with new club Glasgow Rangers, where he was repeatedly assaulted by notorious Tartan Torturer Fat Bastard in his Scottish Premier League debut, and then subjected to some good ol' fashioned Balkan racism in European action.

Beasley overcame the oh-so-clever monkey chants from the highly-evolved FK Zeta faithful by scoring his first Champions League goal for the Old Firm side out of Ibrox. DaMarcus hopes to avoid a roadside confrontation with William Wallace upon his return to the Land of Haggis.

Report: Angel to Red Bull Announcement Imminent

The Red Bull are on a roll, ladies and gentlemen, as fresh on the heels of a terrific home-opening victory on Sunday, the club is about to sign Colombian striker Juan Pablo Angel (YouTube).

The Official Red Bull website currently refers to the acquisition of an unnamed player at 11 am ET, but Big Apple Soccer is once again all over the story with a published report confirming it is indeed Angel, the tricky, intelligent, potent forward from Aston Villa of the English Premier League. Villa boss Martin O'Neill chipped in with his blessing this morning, so it appears the Red Bull have made a giant leap toward challenging for an MLS championship this season. Yes, folks, Angel is that good. Stay tuned for official confirmation and links.

Why Angel To Red Bull Rumor Makes Sense

The speculation surrounding a Big Splash International DP signing by the Red Bull of Major League Soccer has been fevered and largely fantastical. Ronaldo. Zidane. Figo. There's also been some more realistic (if not advisable) rumors, like Delgado, Salas and Edmundo. But the latest report via Big Apple Soccer and the Manchester Guardian that Aston Villa's Colombian striker Juan Pablo Angel may be headed to the Red Bull, soccer-wise at least, makes a helluva lotta sense.

1) He's not too old. Angel is 31 but not yet showing the telltale signs of an aging, washed up athlete. His skills, vision, creativity and intelligence around the goal are still functioning on a high-level.

2) Villa don't want him. Martin O'Neill will surely be cleaning house after this, his first full season at Villa Park, and with massive target-man John Carew starting well (YouTube) and local youngsters Gabriel Agbonlahor and Luke Moore (both Birmingham boys) demanding playing time, Angel is surplus to requirements.

3) His style fits MLS. Angel's 58 goals in six seasons with Villa have been scored against high-pressure, physical defending, the defining characteristic of MLS backlines (except the EPL is still much better). Juan Pablo is accustomed to holding the ball up and passing to overlapping midfielders/wingers as well as taking on defenders himself (YouTube) and sticking the ball in the back of the net.

Granted, financial and league-office considerations will make this deal difficult to close, and this is the umpteenth rumor of the year, but unlike many of the previous whispers, Juan Pablo Angel joining The Red Bull on the field of play, with the current roster of potential teammates isn't Silly Talk, but actually Smart Thinking.

"A Short Saying Oft Contains Much Wisdom"Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC)

"That's our reward, to play at the highest elevation in Mexico." -- Dominic Kinnear, Houston Dynamo Coach/Avid Mountain Climber, relishing his upcoming trip to Pachuca's Estadio Hidalgo, which sits a mere 7,960 feet above sea level.

"Now we know how they play; they're a dangerous team. But I think in Pachuca we can make things right." -- Enrique Meza, Pachuca Coach/Tactical Genius, belatedly realizing the MLS Champs were a dangerous team.

"Things were a little chippy." -- Ben Olsen, DC United Midfielder/Provocateur describing the action at RFK Thursday night against Chivas Guadalajara.

"EXPLETIVE DELETED!!!!!!!!" -- Entire, Enraged Chivas Squad, expressing their displeasure with Bearded Ben after the match.

"I don't go a day or two without talking to Freddy (Adu), Danny (Szetela) or Timmy Ward. We all know it's going to be a challenge." -- Michael Bradley, US U-20 Midfielder, demonstrating team spirit and maturity when discussing this summer's U-20 World Cup Finals.

"It would be an honor to work in a club like Real Madrid." -- Jose Mourinho, Chelsea Manager, demonstrating appalling disloyalty and puerile narcissism when discussing this summer's The Apprentice: Bernabéu debacle. Red Bull Rising Reminder: Fredo's goin' fishin'.

"We want to help MLS increase the interest in soccer overall because if the interest in soccer increases, then interest in leagues like the Bundesliga increases." -- Christian Seifert, Bundesliga CEO, efficiently gets to the bottom line of the MLS-Bundesliga partnership.

"Franz is the one who has brought us together and had this overall concept," -- Ivan Gazidis, MLS Deputy Commish, painfully name-drops Der Kaiser at the Miami Beach press conference.

Speaking of beaches (see how I did that?):

"We can give them a beach-head in the United States." -- Jeff Plush, Colorado Rapids Managing Director, on what Arsenal gains from the historic Gooner-Rapids partnership.

"This injury isn't down to my age. It's the number of games played that causes injury. Look at (Franck) Ribery, (Claude) Makelele, (William) Gallas, (Patrick) Viera, they are all injured. Even Ronaldinho is 'dead'. Same for Deco. Or (Steven) Gerrard. This is not the great, the real Gerrard (this season). The players doing well now are those who played less last season." -- Thierry Henry, Exhausted Gunner, more concerned with the ridiculous fixture overload damaging the world's best players than the heretofore mystical, hidden beaches of Commerce City, Colorado.

"New players are not expected to be shrinking violets, but neither are they supposed to throw themselves around like big-time Charlies." -- Unnamed Source, England National Team, throwing recently arrested Citeh midfielder Joey Barton under a double-decker bus.

"Managers may hate penalty shoot-outs but fans love them." -- Brian Mawhinney, Chairman English Football League, considering replacing draws with penalty kicks or shootouts a la the current NHL and former NASL.

"I would walk back from the United States to play for England again." -- David Beckham, Needs No Modifier, confirming he can indeed walk on water.

"I just hope he buys dinner a few times." -- Chris Albright, Future Becks Teammate, attempting to lower the expectations just a bit.

And in celebration of St. Paddy's Day, this old chestnut from the Greatest Oirish Soccer Player Ever:

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered." -- Georgey Best

Messi Cleans Up Real Well

Teenage winger Lionel Messi, wonderfully christened La Pulga Atomica, (The Atomic Flea), by an adoring Argentine Press, sent shock waves through the soccer world on Saturday, posting an incredibly stylish and immeasurably important hat-trick in a Barcelona-Real Madrid "El Gran Clasico" which truly lived up to it's name.

It wasn't just that Messi became the first Barca player since mercurial Brazilian superstar Romario to score three times against Real, but it was how he did it. Check out YouTube to see for yourself, but his third goal, which ultimately knotted the match at 3-3 and denied Madrid the crucial victory, was pure genius. Ronaldinho dinked the ball behind the Real defense on the right, where Messi streaked in from the wing and promptly eschewed the quick snap shot at the near post that 99 out of 100 players would have made, and instead darted across the goal, from the right side to the left, against traffic and holding off two Real defenders, until he reached the point of almost-no-return at the far post, drawing the keeper out of position, before fluently cracking the ball back in the opposite direction, just inside the post from which he had just scampered away. As the Guinness Guys say, Brilliant!

Also brilliant, was Gol TV's live broadcast of the match. With Real Salt Lake honcho Dave Checketts reportedly fronting a group purchasing a stake in Gol TV, let's hope Checketts doesn't break what doesn't need fixing. The option of catching this thrilling match, without having to shell out for pay-per-view or trudging out to a sports bar, is well-worth the five extra bucks a month for the Sports Pak. As long as Checketts and his Salt Lake investors steer clear of Roman Grant, this deal could be a boon for U.S. soccer fans.

Tuesday Morning Odds and Sods, Volume 3

The Red Bull kicked off the Californication portion of their preseason with a nil-nil draw against the Beckhamless Los Angeles Galaxy. Claudio Reyna and Ronald Waterreus were spared any exertions after the cross-country flight, with Dema Kovalenko serving as captain.

Newbies Sinisa Ubiparapovic (man, if this guy makes the team I need to set up a quick key), Dane Richards, Ansu Toure and Hugh MacDonald all got a run out after "making the trip." The rest of the Golden State schedule is as follows: Houston Dynamo today, University of California on Friday, March 9 and CD Chivas USA on Wednesday March 14.

MacDonald, like Red Bull assistant coach John Harkes and former MetroStars Tony Meola and Tab Ramos, hails from Kearny, New Jersey and may land a developmental contract, according to the MetroFanatic. While we're tossing out "mays," Big Apple Soccer says Gio Savarese and the Red Bull may have severed their relationship.

The big news out of LA is the medical condition of the professional athlete who just signed a multi-million dollar contract with a franchise that claims to be from Los Angeles but really isn't. But enough about chemically-enhanced, cheating Angels. Let's discuss David Beckham. After suffering ligament damage to his right knee in Sunday's Real Madrid match, Becks will be on the shelf for about a month or so. The resulting hand-wringing and castigation, while entertainingly melodramatic, is more than a bit overwrought. Now that Golden Balls won't be battling through the next round of the Champions League with the Galacticos or desperately fighting his way into Three Lions contention, there's a much better chance that he will be healthy, rested and good to go for the Galaxy by July.

"A short saying oft contains much wisdom" -- Sophocles

"They were getting their diapers changed, I think." -- Mo Johnston, Toronto FC, after two of his young players were late for training.

"On the one hand we want to anchor Barca in the colleges and on the other form a partnership with a Major League club, maybe even in an official way with the Barca brand." -- Joan Laporta, Barcelona, winking madly in the direction of MLS while trying to maintain a modicum of decency.

"If the club decides to sack me because of bad results that is part of the game. If that happens I will be a millionaire and I will get another club a couple of months later." -- Jose Mourinho, Chelsea, tossing decency, class and humility out the window while giving the finger to Russian oil billionaire Roman Abramovich.

"I will never work for Sigi again. I will never play for him, never join his coaching staff." -- Jon Busch, former Columbus Crew goalkeeper, taking the subtle approach regarding his future job prospects with Sigi Schmid.

"He's an easy target. He has a big head, wears tight shorts and wraps his wrists." -- Jimmy Conrad, Kansas City Wizards, explaining why he picks on fellow US National Team member Taylor Twellman.

Tuesday Morning Odds and Sods, Volume 2

MLS Rookie of the Year Jonathan Bornstein's MCL injury is a bummer for Chivas USA, and coupled with Bobby Convey's recent setback, the US Men's National Team is now so vulnerable on the left that a campaign to draft Al Gore for spot duty is gaining momentum.

MLS Underground handicaps the more realistic replacements, including Citeh's DaMarcus Beasley, Chicago's Justin Mapp and Red Bull Todd Dunivant. Two other Americans in fine form are Jonathan Spector with the Hammers and Jay DeMerit of Watford. Braving the frenetic pace, crackling emotions and superlative skills of the EPL, surely they deserve a look from Bob Bradley. Plus, in a pinch, Jay can play goalkeeper. Check out SI.com's photo essay. Good stuff.

God has spoken: "I even saw a move to the USA mentioned, but I honestly haven't even thought about anything like that yet." As always, the Gospel According to Robbie Fowler is open to interpretation. The Evangelical Robbie to MLS Crowd will emphasize the word "yet." If Robbie is definitely not considering Major League Soccer, why add the qualifier "yet" to his denial? The Doubters will note the lifelong Scouser spends most Sunday's praying at posh, English racetracks and is unlikely to chase a paycheck across the Atlantic.
UPDATE, FEB 28: Revs' Steve Nicol Says Robbie May Come

Thomas Gravesen is being linked with the LA Galaxy. Head Coach Frank Yallop is quoted as interested in the player, which may mean he's operating under the same misconception that Real Madrid and the belligerent Dane's current club, Glasgow Celtic did. Point One: While Gravesen looks the part of a bone-crunching midfield marauder in the Roy Keane or Pablo Mastroeni mold, he's actually more of an offensive minded player whose rare forays into the physical side of the game often result in his being whistled for rash, ill-timed tackles. Point Two: Gravesen also wore out his welcome at Real by fighting with his teammates, bitching to the press and generally behaving like a spoiled brat. Now he can't crack the Celtic lineup and is pulling the same crap. Beware, LA, Beware.

Speaking of Celtic, Rocker Rod Stewart, a huge fan of the Scottish club, in search of a proper venue to watch the Hoops take on AC Milan in the Champions League last week, chose the Irish-American Club in Kearny, New Jersey, hometown of former US National Team and MLS stars John Harkes, Tony Meola and Tab Ramos.

Czech Out The Latest Rumors

The MLS offseason is Silly Time, where Ronaldo is either 1) fat, washed up and beneath Major League Soccer or 2) a potent striker and international icon capable of scoring two goals in his first start since returning to Serie A. Where Beckham is either 1) over-rated, over-paid and over-heated or 2) Man of the Match in a classic Real Madrid vs. Bayern Munich European Champions League showdown and a great signing for the LA Galaxy and MLS.

Well, Red Bull Rising is not immune to the allure of Silly Time and our latest contribution to the rumor mill is this juicy tidbit from our friends at Football 365 (and by friends, we mean we often peruse their terrific website): Czech star Patrik Berger is considering MLS.

Berger is a 33-year-old offensive-minded midfielder with a silky-smooth left foot, a feisty on-field personality and a flair for the dramatic. The downside is, he has been hurt or indifferent the past few seasons, after a very solid tenure at Liverpool FC where his skills were greatly appreciated.

The demographically-minded, fanny-in-the-seats types will note that both the greater Houston and Chicago areas have very high concentrations of Czech-Americans. Would Patty agree to a Windy City or Southeast Texas move? Or is he just angling for either an extension with Martin O'Neill and Aston Villa or perhaps signaling for another squad on The Continent to make him an offer?

In other Liverpool related news, Robbie Fowler is being linked with fellow Anfield veteran Steve Nicol and the New England Revolution. Unlike the Berger story, no Fowler quotes are attached to this rumor. Due to Robbie's now chronic injury problems, his rather -- ahem -- notorious nightlife habits and his passion for the ponies....it's doubtful God will grace the Land of the Puritans.