Wednesday, December 26, 2007

"Proper Words in Proper Places
Are the True Definiton of Style"
Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)

"The reality of MLS budgets is that teams don't have the money to go out and become Chelsea or Arsenal." -- MLS Deputy Commissioner Ivan Gazidis attempting to obliterate the Stating the Obvious Barrier in an otherwise interesting breakdown of the new Major League Soccer rules.


"If it's a jump ball, we're the fourth-largest market and they're not." -- Sons of Ben advocate Carl Cherkin mixing his sports metaphors in an otherwise intelligent analysis of the Philly vs. St. Louis MLS Expansion Franchise Steel Cage Match Extravaganza.


"Some mistakes I feel like I made as a 15, 16-year-old obviously I wouldn't repeat now, because I learned a lot from it and it helped make me a better person." -- Maturing Freddy Adu getting all philosophical and stuff in an otherwise straightforward feature on the former MLS, current Benfica prodigy.


"We are investigating as to whether the policeman was justified in taking out his firearm and discharging it, and also why he had it with him during the match." -- Malaysian official employing dry government-speak in an otherwise extraordinary report regarding a soccer referee packing heat and making like Yosemite Sam in a recent game gone bad.


Red Bull Rising Quotes Archive

Friday, December 21, 2007

Our Gift to You: Red Bull Park Porn

By now, you've already seen the official, updated design release for Red Bull Park. In fact, you've probably already stumbled upon the website with the three rotating photos of what we hope the future MLS Cathedral in lovely Harrison, New Jersey will look like.

In the spirit of the season, we here at Red Bull Rising are posting seven additional, possibly illicit, but certainly tasteful, snapshots of the future Red Bull Park, inspired by LA-based Rossetti Architects, the outfit currently tasked with ... er ... erecting ... our fabulous new Beautiful Game Basilica along the banks of the pristine Passaic River.

It's Like Rio Carnival, Only in Hudson County!

Check Out That Box!

You Come Here Often?

GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAL!

Even The Signs Are Cutting Edge!

You Don't Own Red Bull, You Only Rent It

Dude, I'm SO THERE!


UPDATE: Billy Buzzkill in Comments notes the photos are not brand new. Oh, and another thing, Angelina Jolie's smokin' hot bod in Beowulf is computer-generated, and since we're all about balance and fairness and inclusion here at Red Bull Rising, Becks stuffs with socks.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Twelve Days of Red Bull Christmas

On the first day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
A suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the second day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the third day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
Stadium Plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
First round exit,
Stadium Plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
Clau-Di-O Stinks,
First round exit,
Stadium Plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
The Cletus Returning,
Clau-Di-O Stinks,
First round exit,
Stadium Plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
Juan Pablo A-Scoring,
The Cletus Returning,
Clau-Di-O Stinks,
First round exit,
Stadium Plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
Beautiful dreaming,
Juan Pablo A-Scoring,
The Cletus Returning,
Clau-Di-O Stinks,
First round exit,
Stadium Plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
More First-round losing,
Beautiful dreaming,
Juan Pablo A-Scoring,
The Cletus Returning,
Clau-Di-O Stinks,
First round exit,
Stadium Plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
Bruce goes a-leaving,
More First-round losing,
Beautiful dreaming,
Juan Pablo A-Scoring,
The Cletus Returning,
Clau-Di-O Stinks,
First round exit,
Stadium Plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
Empty Suit keeps a-spinning
Bruce goes a-leaving,
More First-round losing,
Beautiful dreaming,
Juan Pablo A-Scoring,
The Cletus Returning,
Clau-Di-O Stinks,
First round exit,
Stadium Plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
The Red Bull sent to me
O-Sor-Io signing,
Empty Suit keeps a-spinning,
Bruce goes a-leaving,
More First-round losing,
Beautiful dreaming,
Juan Pablo a-scoring,
The Cletus returning,
Clau-Di-O Stinks,
First round exit,
Stadium plans,
Bruce Almighty,
And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.